Diary of a Stupid Boy *Okay, maybe with slightly less than 100% updates!*

And everything's fine
And I don't know why I do this to myself
I've got this thing for losing my mind
I wish I could tell you all the things
I want to say yea
So now I think I will this time

- "Koolaid" (Bowling for Soup)

So, I was watching ESPN and their new "Teammates" show last night, and something the delightfully ghetto Quentin Richardson said got me thinking...

"You know Amare loves da Red Kool-Aid...That's how he do."

A simple quote like that was all it took for me to look inside myself and remember the most unhealthy habit I've ever had in my life. Smoking, Drinking, and Dodging speeding freeway traffic could never hold a candle to "The K." "The K" almost killed me as a young man...Whole days became sugary blurs as I gulped down glass after glass of that deliciously chilled beverage. I blame most of this on one man. The man who became my singluar reason for being for a good 5 or 6 years of my life. The man whose fascinating body structure dominated my every sugar-wired thought:



Oh, Kool-Aid man...You've been both my best friend and my worst enemy. However, at the risk of any further nostalgic waxing, I'll move back to my original line of thinking.

Quentin's statement got me wondering. Why do we call Cherry Kool-Aid by the name "Red" Kool-Aid? Looking back to when I REALLY pounded "The K", I don't think I ever referred to any other flavor of Kool-Aid by it's color.

I never said; "Hey mom, give me some green Kool-Aid!" or "Hey Dad, can I have some Purple Kool-Aid?" or even "Yo, I think I'm going to make some Green powder that turns into Blue liquid but leaves my fingers stained green for the next three weeks Kool-Aid!"

So why Red? Why does that flavor get called by it's color? Is there actually a "Red" Kool-Aid that this name was derived from?

Well, according to the un-official Kool-Aid FAQ, a poll was conducted in 1998 to determine the perferred flavor of Kool-Aid. What did that poll tell us?

Favorite Color 1st 2nd 3rd Total

------------------------------------------------
Red              3       1       1       12
Green            3       0       1       10
Orange           1       2       0       7
Purple           0       2       0       4
Blue             0       2       0       4
Pink             0       0       3       3

To no one, including this blogger's surprise, red ruled the roost.

So yeah, we know it's popular, but do we know if "red" actually existed?

I decided to first look at this from a scientific standpoint. What MAKES
"Red" Kool-Aid the color "Red"? Well, when thinking it over, all that science-talk kinda caused me to blank out and upon coming to hours later, I discovered that apparently, Red Kool-Aid appears red because dye molecules in the solution absorb light of all colors
except red. To make things even more confusing, here is a diagram of just that:

I apologize for none of that making sense or having anything to do with the topic at hand. I just kinda want you guys to think I'm intelligent and not just a victim of 80s and 90s Pop Culture.

...Back to point...

This is just all so confusing. I mean, look, "Red" Kool-Aid is PROBABLY cherry. Let's not beat around the bush...It's the flagship color for Kool-Aid. It's what the Kool-Aid man himself perfers, seeing as how it's what is in his glass body 99% of the time. As a kid? That's all I needed to know. If the man has the strength to punch through brick walls in order to deliver his sugary goodness to young children everywhere, who am I to question his flavor choices?

...But still. As an adult, I had to know. I couldn't let this mystery go un-resolved. So, in order to solve this mystery, I decided to go straight to the source. I decided to ask...the Kool-Aid Man himself. I mean, the guy fills himself with "Red" Kool-Aid on a daily basis. Shouldn't he know what flavor that is, exactly?

It wasn't until later that the people at Kraft Foods laughed at me when I called them to ask for a sit-down interview that I decided to improvise and walk around my room with a glass of Kool-Aid and this picture taped to my face with eye holes cut out:

Eventually, I just got tired and fell asleep. After I woke up four hours later with a big red stain on my shirt, I decided to say screw it. Possibly, there are just some things in this life that don't need to be solved. Life is better with some mystery in it...Right?

Enjoying "The K",
Colin