Diary of a Stupid Boy *Okay, maybe with slightly less than 100% updates!*

I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear
I'm right
I swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed, but I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

- "Vindicated" (Dashboard Confessional)

I apologize for yesterday's entry. I'm so frustrated with school and my writing job that I just exploded for a second and you guys were allowed to view it, which I didn't intend to happen.

So, I've come to the decision that I'm through with relationships. I'm done looking for people, I'm done talking to people. I'm staying to myself because in the end...I'm the only person I can trust anymore. If you ever hear me talk about anyone or anything related to that on this blog...Please blast me with comments that are mean enough to draw a tear. They're not worth my time. I've got enough frustrations in my life already...I don't need another personal failure to compound it. I'm taking myself out of the running. I don't have much to offer anyone, but what little I do have obviously isn't getting it done, so I'm through with people. You can't trust anyone anymore...I've learned that in the last year or so. When push comes to shove, when it all hits the fan, when the time comes to make the decision...No one will be there for you. You'll be alone. You don't know what people really think of you untill you need them. The sooner you realize that, the easier life will become.

I don't think I want this major anymore, I really don't. I've finally found the one thing I'm good at, academically, and every second I'm around it...It pisses me off. I guess I've just become a very bitter person in the last 6 or 7 months, I don't know. I've wanted to write my whole life, and now that I'm getting close to my goal, I don't think I want it anymore. I don't know what I want out of my life anymore. It's funny, my whole life I've been the kid who "had it together". I've been the kid the teachers loved because I was mild-mannered, helped the other kids, and seemed to know exactly what I wanted for my future. Now, I've been here two years and everything I held sacred is turning out to be the things I don't want. The only thing I REALLY can be sure I know is that I don't know...

Tot ziens,
Colin