If there's one thing I've learned at this hospital, it's to never antagonize your boss or the people who makes the food, because you end up eating poo.
- Dr. Elliot Reed -
I'm in the mood for one of those "Random thoughts" blog updates. Now, that could be because I have a literal flood of ideas flying through my brain, or because I don't have enough for an actual post. I'll leave the truth up to you guys to decide...Consider it one of those "Choose Your Own Adventure" type deals, if you will.
Colin's "I'm Out of Ideas" Random Observations:
- Guys...If your girl walks in on you fooling around with a drunken co-ed in a bathroom at some dingy frat house. Just say this:
"What's THAT all about?"
Just look around, all confused, and say that. It won't do anything for you, but somewhere I'll know you tried it...And I'll laugh.
- Why the hell do people tell you that they'll look at a link you sent them over IM "in a second"...? They can't be doing anything THAT important if they're carrying on a conversation with you. Just click the fucking thing...It'll take two seconds. I promise.
- Ladies. More importantly, "Drunk Jabba The Hut Look-alike who keeps taking her top off for everyone at the party"...No one wants to see that. Seriously. It's been so long since I got anything even REMOTLEY resembling "sumthin', sumthin'" and you aren't even coming within the same area code of what I'd consider a "drunken last resort." For the sake of Richard P. Kornheiser and the "Twins"...Keep those things at bay.
- I hate looking at people's webshots gallaries. I really do. They make me feel like I'm missing out on some super-cool hyjinks when I read the the discriptions that accompany the photos. You know what I'm talking about...They're always something goofy like:
"My girlz are soooo kurazy!"
"Bein' siiilly!"
"My girlz iz soooo hawt!"
"(Insert name) is super-kute!"
- I'm going to go out on a limb and say that 87% of all Facebook photos are taken with the person holding an alcoholic beverage. I go to parties...I don't have any of those pictures. Now that I think about it, I don't actually have any pictures of me with anything edible in my hands. I should look into fixing that.
- Voice boxes are funny. I almost wish I smoked myself into a cancerous haze so much that I needed one. Almost. Actually, yes...But not really.
- Jimi Hendrix died by choking on his own vomit. I wish my first name ended with an I.
- How was the Paninni sandwhich created? I've been thinking about this latley...How did someone decide to put coleslaw, french fries, cheese, fried egg, and meat on Italian bread? That combination doesn't even approach making sense.
- I've had my guitar for 10 months now, and the only thing I can play is the opening to "Enter Sandman" and some of "Stairway to Heaven." I'm now officially qualified to start my own Pop Punk band.
- Since no one has done it yet, I've decided to make July 13th into National "Pop Your Collar" day. Update your calendars.
- My friend Joe was in the room earlier with the intention of finishing off his remaining Natural Lights for the year. He was talking to me on the couch when he unleashed the most life-threatening belch I've ever laid witness to in my life. It's been three hours and my eyes are still crossed a little bit.
- John Mayer once dated Heidi Klum. Think about that. It gives a guy like me hope that someday, I too can hook-up with a chick who did Seal.
- I have this one black chest hair that's been growing for months. Since it's the only one I've got at the current moment, I've decided to name it Lando.
- Did Jimmy Ray ever find out who wanted to know who Jimmy Ray was?
- The guy who invented the color "Sea Green" sucks.
- I went to the Proctologist a few weeks ago. They don't like it when you ask them for dinner and drinks before they do their work. Apparently, that's not funny in Chocolate City.
- I've decided that if I take someone out, I'm getting them to agree to re-imburse me for funds depleted if I don't, at the very least, find what their breath tastes like while in a drunken haze. I feel it's only fair.
- Why do people look at me oddly when I do the Lawnmower dance at parties?
- I don't remember what happened February 12th. Not like, a 20-minute stretch when I cracked my head getting off of my loft...Like, the whole day. It's like it didn't even happen. I don't even know why I don't remember it, because if I knew that, then I'd remember something from that day.
- This will always be funny. Always.
- I'm taking a final tomorrow. I want to test my theory that if I have my iPod with me and have it play "One Shining Moment" on a continuous loop...I'll get at least a 90%. Fingers crossed, because honestly? I didn't study because I'm relying on this proving itself true.
- I have all the lyrics to "Ride Wit Me" by Nelly memorized and I have for the last two years.
- You know how they say that there is "someone for everyone"...? What if there's an odd number of people on Earth? Is that one dude fucked?
...That's all I got. Good night. Seriously. Go. I mean...You can stay if you want, but things might start getting uncomfortable here in a minute or two. Trust me, it'll only end with one of us weeping, and there's a solid chance it'll be me. That's not good for anyone.
Later,
Colin
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