- South Park -
Ever since I was a young lad, I've had a fascination with mascots. You know, those big cartoony looking guys in costume at sporting events. To most, Mascots are held in the same esteem as clowns and campus security, but to me? To me, they symbolize all that is right in the world.
Donning fuzzy uniforms and giant sneakers, they are the mascots of professional and college sports. And they can impact a game, not with a buzzer-beating shot or an in the park home run, but with a comical routine or dance. The best can ignite the home crowd while simultaneously agitating the opposing players. They exist to bring nothing but joy and the occasional break-dance with a midget on-top of the opposing team's dugout to curse the opposition with some sort of voodoo jinx. The sight of Billy the Marlin spinning on his head is enough to bring a tear to my eyes.
With that said, here is a list of my Top 5 personal favorite mascots in sports (I know I said I'd talk about my trip to Disney World but just go with it...I had this idea in my head while I was driving home from work today and I had to get it out. Sadly, you are the suckers who have to play the role of the victim. You'll see what I mean later.):
5. Go (Phoenix Suns - NBA)
Gotta show love to the original NBA mascot. Well it may seem rather weak compared to current mascot heavyweights, Go is the hairy gorilla in a Phoenix Suns warmup shirt that revolutionized professional sports mascots. Debuting in 1980, Go shunned the traditional route of comedic dancing and opted for amazing athletic feats. The Suns' gorilla began rappelling from the ceiling and became the first mascot to feature high-flying dunks and trampolines in his act. With a team that includes a mascot coordinator to set up the props and a younger brother named Junior, Go leapt off the trampoline and into the hearts of Phoenix fans.
4. Phillie Phanatic (Philadelphia Phillies - MLB)
A bright green, feathery blob with bushy eyebrows and a big beak, the Phanatic was one of three mascots whose costumes are in the Baseball Hall of Fame, the Phillie Phanatic made a name for himself by storming onto the field on an ATV and mixing it up with the other team's players, sometimes even dancing with them.
3. San Diego Chicken (San Diego Padres - MLB)
The original and still the king of the mountain when it comes to recognizability, the San Diego Chicken is the granddaddy of professional sports mascots. The giant yellow chicken was named by the Sporting News as one of the Top 100 Most Powerful People In Sports For The 20th Century. Not always a famous pro mascot, the Chicken began with a one-week stint handing out Easter eggs at the San Diego Zoo before blossoming into the most recognizable mascot of all time and performing all over the world.
2. Otto the Orange (Syracuse Orangemen - NCAA)
In the late 1970's, Syracuse University discontinued using the Saltine Warrior, a Native American warrior, as their mascot. In the following years proposals and attempts at mascots included Egnaro the Troll, a Superman-like figure, and a man in an orange tuxedo. It wasn't untill 1995 that the university decided to officially go with the gigant orange as a mascot, and boy what a decision it was.
Striking fear into the hearts of Big East rivals and bringing joy to the thousands who pack the Carrior Dome to watch the Orange play and millions around the world, Otto has become one of the pre-eminent mascots in college sports, recently being named to the Capitol One "All-Mascot Team" for the second straight year.
1. Big Red (Western Kentucky Hilltoppers - NCAA)
Here he is, folks. The Rolls Royce of Mascots. The Rolling Stones of Mascots. The Babe Ruth of Mascots. Big Red - Better known by his full name of "Big F'N Red" - the mascot of the small-conference Western Kentucky Hilltoppers. This is the rare case where the Mascot is actually more well-known than the university or team it represents.
Big Red, like Otto the Orange, has been named to the "All-Mascot" team two years running. He's also been in multiple ESPN Sportscenter commercials, helping the nation to realize what a phenom Mr. Red truely is. Big Red may be a shapeless blob, but to fans of the Western Kentucky Hilltoppers this furry mascot couldn't be more inspiring. Embodying the students' intense school pride, Red is a belly-sliding, crowd-surfing daredevil who's not afraid to risk life and limb to get the Hilltopper faithful fired up.
(Thanks to AskMen.com for help with some of the descriptions. If only I had the time to devote to researching THAT much information on mascots. *Sigh*...Maybe one day.)
Okay, now to the REAL reason I made this thread...
One of my goals, if you know me well enough, is to marry a rich woman so I can have a bunch of money I didn't have to work for to spend on weird crap. One of those things is my own personal mascot that looks just like me and who's job it is to get the people around me all pumped up and do funny things to amuse me in my downtime.
Another thing you'd know about me if you knew me well enough is that I have a TON of free-time on my hands. To those of you who don't know me well, I'd like to think that, by reading my blog, you've picked up on the fact that I'm a loser by now. In yet another attempt to prove that point beyond a shadow of a doubt, I'd done the following:
Picture of Me (Looking VERY stoned, but I have a shortage of acceptable pictures of myself, so bear with me):
Picture of what I want my personal Mascot to look like:
That picture would also be applicable if I ever wanted to know what I'd look like as a cartoon. I suppose that could cover it's own post, though. Hmmm...
Keeping it sleezy,
Colin
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