Don't wanna fall in love.
Don't need security,
I ain't no dog without a bone.
Don't have no time for love,
So stay the fuck away from me.
Because I don't believe in you,
And I wanna sit here all my life alone.
- Green Day -
(Note: I don't know where I'm going with this. This is just the ramblings of my English Studies notebook and it's "F" material if I've ever seen it. These are just some things I've been wanting to get off my chest for a long time and I don't know if any of it makes sense of any of it has any insight, but take it for what you will. Valentine's Day makes me an angry human being each year. I'll eventually have something better for you guys, I promise.)
Love.
Love, or I suppose the lack thereof. The driving motivation for those without it is a fear of living without it. We search for it, we pine for it, we struggle for it, we need it. We cry at night to our Moms and Friends on the phone when we are living without it because the search for it has become such a major part of our daily grind.
We want it.
We have to have it.
What is its power? Why does it have such a grip on our every thought? We bounce from person to person, from awkward first-date to awkward first-date trying to find that person we "click" with on any level. Why is that? Why don't we cry ourselves to sleep over the fact that Paulie Shore hasn't put out a comedy in years? (On a side note, I saw Son-In-Law on TBS a few nights ago and that movie is still magic. Track it down.)
"I just want someone to cuddle with."
I think there are many reasons why people search so desperately for love, but would it be wrong to say that, at the most basic level, we are just searching for acceptance? Maybe some people are just equipped to handle being alone better than others. Maybe those were the kids who were perfectly fine being grounded by their parents because they had no problem amusing themselves. They didn't need the constant company of another just to function. Still, others look to a "relationship" as a means to an end. As a way to justify their very existance through the eyes of a stranger. A way to make them visible in some small way in a world that is so large and unwieldly.
Love is a gross exaggeration of the difference between one person and everybody else.
So, the question here is this. What side is correct? Is there even a "right" way of looking at the search for love? What I might be getting at is the question of if love at this age is overrated. For that matter, what is love at this age? Can that even be honestly achieved between two people with so much of their lives left to live? Are we meant to be tied down at such a young age to what we consider a "committed" relationship? Princeton defines a "relationship" as: "A state of connectedness between people, especially of the emotional variety." Can you of you really look at yourselves and say with a straight face that you've ever been truly emotionally connected to your partner?
"All you need to do is focus on the little things you love about her. Like...the way she puts out a cigarette...or how when she finishes a beer, she looks inside the can just to check if there's any left."
Maybe I've always looked at love through very jaded eyes, but I've often thought that love was kind of wasted on the young. If you're 21 years old, how can you honestly sit there and tell me that your idea of a relationship goes far beyond making out in your dormroom and arguing over having to go to the mall of a Tuesday afternoon? I have a friend who's girlfriend and him split time between beds in each other's dorm room each night and just do homework together the rest of the time. Is that love? What is their relationship like? Is it more a relationship formed out of fear of lonleyness than of love?
We're the youth of America, people. We've got a couple more good years in us before we have to put on that fucking tie and work for a living. Maybe the idea of a committed relationship should be saved until we've seen all that's really out there. That person you're with right now...How do you know he's the one for you? How many other people have you had some form of deep communication with in your young life? Do you still view a relationship in the "High School" sense? Do you view a relationship as a sort of status symbol? Is that person you're with with you more because you're afraid you'd be less of a person single than you are now?
'Cause I want, I need, nothing less than you
I want nothing else at all
Could it be that our entire idea of love at this age has been formed by the media? We're been bombarded with this desperate notion of love from all angles: Movies, Music, TV, Poetry...They're all guilty. The youth of today have been made to believe that we're not able to function if we don't have a girlfriend or boyfriend in our lives. You know what else? It's getting worse and worse to kids these days than it even was for us. My niece is in 2nd Grade and she's already asking some questions about adult topics that I still don't have the answers to. That's the shit kids are getting fed these days and it really makes my head hurt.
Have you ever seen an elderly couple where one of the people is handicapped beyond self-suficiency? Their spouse devoting their remaining time to caring for them is love. That's devotion. That willingness to stick by the side of someone through thick and thin because you've connected with them on such a deep level that you'd have no problem giving it all up without a second thought to be with them through the darkest times you'll ever face is what it's all about. That's real, man. Writing fucking depressing poetry and contemplating suicide because your girlfriend of 3 months left you for some other skinny Goth nut-case at a Slipkot concert isn't love. That's insanity. That's where we've gotten to, though. There are College-aged kids at this very school who have ended it because they couldn't handle the thought of being without their girlfriend or boyfriend. AT BEST, YOU'VE BEEN ALIVE SLIGHTLY OVER 2 DECADES. YOU HAVEN'T SEEN 10% OF THE SHIT YOU'RE GOING TO SEE IN YOUR LIFE. No juvenile notion of anything, let alone love, is worth that.
"That's when I realized I really liked those things about her, but I didn't love them. I didn't love her."
I think the overall message I've been mulling over in my head is that I don't know how we can understand love if we don't even understand ourselves. Take me for example: I'm a mental and emotional voclano of crazy, people. I haven't eaten a Cheeseburger in 2 1/2 years because I'm afraid it will be the trigger for a quick desent back into "Fat Colin." I do 200 situps a day not because I want a 6-Pack, but because I'm afraid that Grilled Chicken Breast I had for lunch will give me a beer gut. I go to the REC Center 6 days a week and I don't even know why I go anymore. I forgot 4 months ago. I just go out of rexlex. I'M INSANE. Sure I've gone out on dates, and I've even been really close to someone who I thought at the time that I "loved". With the ability to look back at the mistakes I've made and the paths I've not taken, though, I'm left wondering this one thing: How the hell could I even attempt to be right for anyone when I'm not even right for myself? I'm sure you're all the same way in a slightly less "touched" fashion.
I think that, if we really take a look inside ourselves, we'd find that we often have no clue what it takes to be in a lasting relationship. Is it convience? Those never last. Is it to satisfy your feelings of lonleyness? A relationship for personal benefit is more of a "buisness arrangement", wouldn't you say? Is it love? I think so, but if it is, then I'm probably fucked. If so, I haven't formed a bond I could actually consider love with someone since my Niece was born 8 1/2 years ago. I was 13 them. I'm almost 21 now and I often wonder just how far I've actually progressed. I wonder how far any of us have. How much longer until we break this "High School love" mindset?
A Jaded Asshole,
Colin
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