We took the bus to the anarchist book fair
I left the hybrid at home
I scored an extremely rare signed copy of the communist manifesto
We protested the G8, got maced by female police
In hot black uniforms and boots
I got one's e-mail address
- NOFX -
Where do English professors come from? I mean, seriously, are they created in some sort of sick and twisted laboratory of dull? You've all no doubt had a class with an English professor who was just completely obsessed with the subject and, more to the point, his own voice, even to the point where they don't bother asking questions of the students because they don't particurally care what it is that you think. You know the type, the ramblings of a drunken French poet from the 1400s strikes such a chord with the professor for some unknown reason that he feels the need to become lost in thought for 50 to 75 minutes 3 days a week while you think about how hot that Assistant D.A. on Law and Order is. God...*Sigh*.
Yeah, okay, I can understand getting lost in yourself and going off on tirades about something. We've all done it. Me? How "Diet" Coffee Cakes from Hostess may be low in fat, but are still loaded with sugar. Still, though, Francis Ponge? I'm not following what kind of brain you need that reading a 50-page poem about a fucking bar of soap by some Frenchie McFrog-Frog strikes such a chord with you that you find yourself saying: "I must devote the remainder of my terribly dull life to this." There's so much more out there than stuffy old European poetry, guys. Porn. There's porn. There's porn and $.99 KFC chicken sandwhiches, off the top of my head. Also, there's Pro Wrestling and Mel Brooks movies, to, you know...Continue listing things.
Here's what I'm trying to get to, though. Professors who are obsessed with one subject all fall into this same category of educator:
They think you care about their life's devotion.
You've recieved a paper back with the comment: "I like where you're going, but I would love to see you expand on that thought", right? No, dude. I put what I put on that paper for a reason...I knew you'd like it enough to give me a B on it and I don't really feel like shooting for more. The reason I didn't expand on that thought is because I either: A) Don't care to, or B) Think you're completely insane. Sure, I could have talked a greater length about my feelings on your theory that the snail in the poem symbolizes the struggle for lactose intolerant people to enjoy fresh Wisconsin Cheddar, but I think you're a nut-job. I can crap out whatever you tell me to crap out. How do you people not get that the majority of students don't care about you or your whacked out ideas?
Maybe they do, though. Maybe professors do know that we don't care, and they just go with it because they love the sound of their own voice too much to quit or try harder to make us care. The more I live my life, the more I think I'm destined to become a college professor. I almost feel an obligation to the youth of America to give them a class worth going to. Douglas Adams for everyone. Motley Crue's "The Dirt" for all. 300 year-old Frenchmen are of little consequence to the modern teen, so why try to force it down their throats? Give them something they can enjoy. Isn't that what literature is about? Give them sex, give them drugs, give them rock and roll. Let them figure out what's worth believing in on their own...That's what life's about, people.
Keep your Derrida. Give me Hunter S. Thompson. Karl Marx can take a backseat...I'd rather listen to Steve Perry sing to me about how a Just a small town girl, livin' in a lonely world took the midnight train goin' anywhere. I'd rather read something that inspires my imagionation than something that makes me watch the clock like an eagle, and I'm willing to bet that I'm not alone.
That brings me to my thought on what college is supposed to be. There are too many damn kids here who have no clue how the world really works, but I guess that's what college has always represented. They're the morons who buy into all this existential crap. Kids here now are the same as the morons who got themselves shot on May 4th so many years ago because they were fucking annoying hippies with no clue that their whacked out ideas don't work in reality. Want to know what the difference between a Communist and a Hippie is? Communists have guns.
Call me stupid if you want. Call my unwilling to "expand" my thought process if it gets your rocks off. That's cool. Plenty of kids dig that junk, and that's your deal if it's what you're down with. I'm not going to lead some campaign to rid the world of floaty hippies (although if someone were to start such a cause, they'd have my respect.) Just don't expect me to be at your study sessions, because that ain't my idea of the value of college.
As I sit in my chair and watch life go by,
Colin
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